Back into Union
Since Josh and I got back in touch in the fall, every day has been a blessing of peace, moving closer and closer together. We started talking a lot, then playing games together online, and then hanging out in person. I was mindful of my prior patterns of overgiving and overextending to my Twin Flame, and I didn’t want to repeat any unloving behaviors towards myself or him. So I took it one step at a time, focusing on God and my spiritual practice.
With the help of my coaches Laurentiu and Alexandra, I have been able to unpack what happened last year and take steps to live a healed life with Josh. The recent MAP healing session I had also helped me let go of trauma permanently. Playing video games with Jeff and the EPVP group also had a huge positive impact on my Union, lifting me up with joy.
Josh was only ever mirroring me, and I am starting to see the oneness very consistently because I became willing to take responsibility for myself more. I see Josh almost every day, and he even got a temporary job at the University where I work.
Although I have faced similar upsets in my Union as in the past, this time things just feel different. There is a peaceful and unshakeable love between us, and I am able to unconditionally love myself and trust my worthiness of love. I recognize that my past reactions towards Josh were based on my own trauma responses, and I am grateful that we had time to heal and strengthen our union, knowing I'm worthy of love no matter what, and I'm happy that we had the opportunity to heal.
Initially, I was fearful when I began spending time with him again, and I expressed this concern to Lau and Alex, explaining that I was worried the same patterns would resurface. Alexandra Benzar responded by asking if I trusted in my own healing, and she urged me to consider how much I've grown since the last time we were together. She pointed out that I'm now facing challenges and setbacks in a completely different way than before, and my healing would be permanent if I chose to make it so. I've noticed a significant change in myself as well, and I've chosen to live a life of healing.
Currently, we are building our friendship and emotional connection, and while we haven't been physically intimate, we are both aware of the healing that still needs to take place. Lau and Alex advised me to take things slowly and love our union right where it is, while also grounding.
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Josh recently received a call from his mother, who had been in a coma, and she is now trying to reconnect with him. She has offered to help him find a job in Georgia, but I know that’s not what Josh really wants, but his lease is also up and he’s looking for steady income, so he's debating about moving there, which I know he doesn't really want to do. I had the thought about inviting him to live with me. He already comes over a lot!
I had a lot of emotions regarding this idea. Josh and I had previously rushed into our relationship before our union had fully developed to a point where it could endure, and this was partly because I did not fully see him as a part of me at the time. However, this has changed.
Although I am aware of my fears, a part of me is ready for this. I now believe that I will choose love, and I trust myself to establish healthy boundaries within our relationship. Eventually, my desire to try again with Josh became stronger than my fears, leading me to invite him to stay with me in our home. He isn’t sure yet, but I felt really good claiming him and claiming my readiness to be with him. I choose to be with my Twin Flame!
My ultimate desire is for us to live and serve the Church of Union, partner with Jeff and Shaleia, and their community and teachings. While this is a long-term goal, I am open to guidance from God and my coaches on our next steps as a union, what would be best, and how to make this happen. Every day is about being with God, and asking Him what His vision is for us, if I’m doing right by Him, and serving Him as I receive His love.
Thank you very much for this tremendous healing and for loving and supporting my Union! I’ll continue to go deeper and share more updates.
