Sobriety and Twin Flames
How I Broke a Major Pattern in My Twin Flame Healing Journey
Sobriety: a release of shame and denial
I recently experienced a major breakthrough in my healing journey—one that helped me understand why I kept repeating the same painful patterns, and how I could finally change them. This shift came through my continued practice of the Teachings of Union and the self-love work taught in Twin Flame Ascension School. I’m so grateful for this body of work, and for my Ascension Coach, Chrissy, who supported me with grounded guidance and love every step of the way.
Two weeks ago, my Twin Flame, Josh, entered an addiction recovery program and moved into a structured, supportive living environment. I thought this would naturally bring us closer together—but something very different happened. Without substances to numb the pain, buried emotions started coming up for both of us. Instead of connecting, Josh began pushing me away with anger and blame. It was painful and confusing, but it also revealed something I needed to face in myself.
As a student of the Teachings of Union, I’ve been using a tool called the Mirror Exercise for several years now. It’s a four-step self-reflection process that helps you identify emotional triggers and heal them at the root. The idea is that your Twin Flame mirrors your inner world—so when something upsetting happens, it points to a place within yourself that needs love and attention.
When I turned inward using the Mirror Exercise, I got stuck on the final step, which involves loving yourself right where the pain is. I kept hitting the same wall: feeling like I was choosing myself by feeling my emotions, but still feeling stuck and defeated. I didn’t realize I was actually identifying with the pain itself, rather than loving myself through it. I wasn’t giving myself what I truly needed in those moments.
That’s when I saw the deeper truth: I had been trying to love myself from inside the pain. I was sitting in fear, calling it self-care. But real love—the kind that brings lasting peace—doesn’t trap you. It sets you free. It restores movement. And I wasn’t letting that love in.
For years, I believed that just “feeling my feelings” was the same as healing them. But if I wasn’t bringing in compassion, reassurance, or softness to those places… I was just repeating the upset. That pattern showed up everywhere: in my relationship, my finances, my body. And it all stemmed from choosing fear and self-judgment over love.
My Twin Flame reflected this perfectly. When I wasn’t seeing or choosing my true worth, neither was he. When I denied my own power, he denied his. We’re one consciousness, and that pattern of denial showed up on both sides.
What changed everything was realizing that I had attached shame to my healing process. I had a harsh inner voice saying, “You should be past this by now,” and it was that very voice keeping me stuck. I thought if I just worked harder or judged myself more, I could force my way through. But healing doesn’t come from pressure. It comes from choosing love—even when you feel messy or unsure.
So I did something different. I forgave myself. I stopped fighting with the part of me that was hurting, and I chose to see myself with love instead of judgment. That choice was the real turning point. Because choosing love is always the answer.
And something shifted in my Union, too. I stopped needing Josh to show up differently in order for me to feel okay. I saw how he was showing me exactly where I still wasn’t choosing myself. And that clarity brought so much peace. I didn’t feel separate from him anymore. I could feel our connection again—not because of anything he did, but because I chose to see the truth.
Healing your Twin Flame Union isn’t about fixing the other person. It’s about aligning with love inside yourself. When you do, everything begins to change—naturally and with peace.
That’s what I’m choosing now. Not more judgment. Not more fear. Just love. Real, healing, grounded love that reminds me: I’m already whole. I’m already enough. I’ve got me.
And that changes everything.
